I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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