also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
