How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
