DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
