New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We are all done wearing pants today
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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