btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
