I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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