True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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