Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
