Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
