Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
