I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
