Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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