oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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