It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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