you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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