You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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