I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
