there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I did not marry a roomba.
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