did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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