Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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