if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
