When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
