I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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