Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
