Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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