oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
