We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
