You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
