YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
