3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
