Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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