Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
50% drunk capacity currently
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
