He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
