I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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