Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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