Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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