Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
