How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
