my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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