Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
