70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
