They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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