This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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