I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Randomize
