help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
