dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
