Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
