and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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