too bad you live with your parents still
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
