We're like a lot better than the average bears
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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