Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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