1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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