it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
