i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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