This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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