Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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