We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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