The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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