After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
