we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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