im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
