Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
