About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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