dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
