Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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